About discouragement and freedom

I was curled up in physical pain and discomfort when I got an email from Marie Forleo sharing one of her inspiring videos and the text started like this:

"Have you ever felt discouraged, disheartened or even depressed by the turmoil and uncertainty that surrounds you?When we’re engulfed in circumstances that feel beyond our control, finding the strength and courage to keep going isn’t always easy. Understandably, we can feel helpless and alone."

As I breathed in, trying to feel better, I could not help writing these words in my mind.
When we are feeling discouraged and helpless, I think we all share the same feeling around the world: we crave for freedom.

An architect in Iraq feels discouraged because what she creates might be destroyed by war.
A poet feels invisible after writing a beautiful book which nobody wants to buy.
A child feels unmothered because her mother does not accept her sensitive and creative soul.
A teacher feels helpless because clients come asking for miracle pills or stunning diplomas, they are not willing to learn.
A woman in her fifties feels hopeless in spite of her talents and gifts because people out there want to hire young beautiful ladies who are already successful.

As an artist, as a passionate teacher, as a talented interpreter or as a creative writer; I always give my best.  It’s the pleasure of having an image in my head or a feeling in my heart and being able to translate it into words.  It’s the satisfaction of finding endless ways of teaching something to somebody who cannot understand a foreign language.  It’s the contentment to create a new recipe in the kitchen and prepare a delicious meal even when there are not enough ingredients.  It’s the pride of doing an oracle reading for free and knowing that the person who received it had an insight with our words.
Nevertheless, we cannot control what people do with our creations or work, we cannot control what people feel about it and we cannot even control if we will be here to see if people enjoy them as much as we do.

Unfortunately, we do not live in a bubble of art, creativity, wisdom and enlightenment. We have to pay our bills, make a living and survive in a jungle of people who are far from sensitive.

If we are broke and cannot choose what food to buy or when to eat; if we have health issues or some chronic disease and we cannot choose how to move our body or our physical condition determines our routine; if we are hiding in a corner afraid of what might happen outside; if we are deprived from simple things which seem so normal to the rest of the world; we are not free, we are prisoners of our circumstances.

We all crave for freedom.  We all need to feel free to do what we need or want.

And then, there is another feeling we all share: hope.  It is "hope of deliverance from the darkness that surrounds us" (Paul Mc Cartney) which helps us try one step at a time, just for today.


2017 started with a lot of scarcity for me.  Summer seemed to be winter and surviving on ‘God shall provide’ and energy saving mode made me feel defeated.  In spite of being broke and blocked, I applied for a scholarship at B-School and I got it.  It has kept my mind busy and it has led me to meet awesome people from different parts of the world. 

Studying at B-School helps me feel hope: hope that I may set myself free from my financial situation; hope that I may be successful in spite of my health issues; hope that I may not feel so lonely because there are other women who can support me in this tribe.

I must admit, I am not 100% sure I will succeed.  When I have to spend 50% of my day in bed in order to feel better; when I have no money and I am tired of trying different ways out and only finding myself in the same dead end; when the landlord wants his money and I have no idea how I will get it; when the tons of issues to solve are a lot heavier than the solutions I can find; then I feel discouraged and I want to give up.

But, there is a moment when I get an email like this morning, with a link to an inspiring video, or an email from one of new friends, or I get an unexpected gift, or I am able to write something beautiful in spite of the darkness; and then hope prevails and that spot of light just makes sense for today.

Susannah Lorenzo ©
April 4, 2017

Sadness

There are days when you are sad as soon as you wake up.  You don’t know why, but your limbs are weak and you cannot make it, you just want to go back to bed.  And when you go back to bed, you want to be in bed even in your dreams.

I have the right to be sad because I am so damn tired, because I have a cruel pain in my chest which will not die even after prayers and meditation.

There are days when you cannot focus on what you have because it is not enough.  You just feel bad because of the lack of so many things.  There are no more crackers for breakfast and that can make you cry.  You know that after struggling so hard you finally have hot and cold water again, you have 3 hours of teaching per week at a college and you were able to eat almost properly for about a week.  Nevertheless, everything hurts:  the lack of love, passion and tenderness; the empty wallet; applications with no reply; this hopeless reality and the inability to make a living.

Today I don’t feel like pretending. Although I know going for a walk and enjoying some light would be good for my health, I am afraid I might faint after the first five blocks.  I don’t want to look positive and happy in spite of everything.  I am not in the mood for waiting until the Universe finds the right option for me; it might be far too busy to take care of my needs.

I have been blessed and help has come at the very last minute so the rent has been paid for the last three months and I am not a homeless, technically.  But if you are not happy where you are, if you are not praised and respected for your work, if you cannot make a living, if you are all alone and there is no hug to comfort you, then, there is no home.

Susie
18th March, 2013